Self-Sufficient?

This past weekend was a wee bit rough...too many hormones, plus looking at finances = a lot of me crying (poor hubby).

When he and I got married, I was definitely the bread winner. Well paying job, fantastic insurance, and overall money-maker. Then I decided to go to school full-time for my Masters.

Sure, we both knew that it would significantly tighten up the budget. So, no more breakfasts out, whittled down eating out to once a month, shop at Aldi, etc. Realistically, my only payments that come out of my personal account are my car, my school loans (for undergrad; I'm currently paying my grandma, and the rest are being deferred), and the cell phones, which are technically in my name.

I was raised that a woman needs to be self-sufficient. This means, she should be able to pay her bills and not be reliant on a man. This school business has put me in a bit of a dilemma.

As I knew I would have basically zero income (my scholarship prohibits any "real" job), I started saving up. I knew at some point I might need help, but as the months went by, I began to forget about that. Then BAM, I balanced my checking account. Yikes.

It kills me that I have to pull money out of our savings...yes, this is money I (and we) had stashed away for the wedding that is now a year past. And yes, that money will be spent on important things, like my lovely bills. But I had PLANS for that money! Grand plans that included a trip to Italy, or paying off my student loans (that are currently being deferred), or renovating the kitchen.

I feel a little like I've failed. I was hoping that I'd pull in enough tutoring to be "self-sufficient." I don't know who I was kidding. A couple hundred here and there isn't enough to pay my bills. Ugh, sometimes I miss the money that came from working, despite how much I hated my life.